I am Shelby and I am a Recovering Perfectionist
I used to think being a “Perfectionist” was a badge of honour. I used to think that if I had control, I had power. Which in all honesty is a pretty shallow and misguided view of power. I thought it meant that I was in control of my life, my direction and those around me. It meant I knew, (or so I thought), what the day would bring and how the events would unfold. That being perfect would mean that I was the “best” and would be seen in the eyes of my peers as capable and strong.
How limiting is that? I mean really. Like the only way I had value was if I was perfect. Let’s be honest we all know there is no such thing as perfect, so why do we keep striving for it? Why do we keep looking at unrealistic standards and then beating ourselves up when we don’t make them? Being a perfectionist is, in my opinion, a huge insecurity.
Why? Because it is the belief you are not good enough, not worthy enough and not valuable enough unless you do everything right. It keeps you in a perpetual state of disappointment because you and those around you can never live up to those expectations. I built my life on this model and I can finally see how limiting it is. I thought that all my previous success had come from this idea, I thought it made me great and was lost without it. Man was I wrong.
When I finally saw that I didn’t have to be perfect to be valuable, it was like the weight of the world was lifted off my shoulders. I could share my message bravely and bold and not worry about the anxiety of being perfect. I stopped thinking about myself and started thinking about how I could serve others. It was like I finally saw it was not up to ME to be perfect, it wasn’t up to ME to “control” everything. (Besides we control nothing, it is an illusion!). The Universe, Source, God whatever you want to call it has been operating long before I got here and will continue to do so when I am gone. That same source brought me here not to be perfect, but to be my authentic self.
You know what is powerful? Owning your shit. Owning your flaws and owning the fact that you ARE HUMAN! Being confident in your skin and sharing what is in your heart. Being vulnerable is powerful because it means you are sharing something of yourself, not closing off your heart and your true potential.
We are all so sick of being bombarded with images of perceived perfection, what we should look like and what success means. I think we are all starving for some authenticity, I know I am!!
So my authenticity? Being powerful is hard and challenging. Being powerful means accepting the things I cannot change about myself and celebrating the things I am. It means making mistakes and being brave enough to share them so others can learn from it. It means no longer comparing myself or judging myself against others. It means working through my self-sabbotage and having the bravery to lean into my fears to over come them. It means no longer living in fear. It means loving myself against all odds and being proud of that.
Being perfect is boring, it is like being a GMO Human, and really who wants that? When you feel inspired do you feel that way after watching someone being perfectly prepared or undoubtedly raw? I know that for me, I feel inspired watching someone bravely be themselves because what could be more courageous?
I enjoy colouring outside the lines, singing loudly even if my voice is less than great and admitting that I am not perfect and no longer feel the need to be. I mean going after your dreams is a lot of work, tears, frustration but it also comes with triumph. I would never have created my dream job if I had been concerned with being perfect. I know that DOING something and putting it out there is far more important than being “perfect”. I don’t have time to play small anymore and I no longer accept that the norm should be to hate ourselves. Sense when did loving ourselves become the exception and not the rule? F*CK THAT! I am loving myself, imperfections and all and I hope you do too!
All my Love and Light,